Ryan and Brian Do Crosswords

I started last night.  I took breaks.  I slept for a while.  I had breakfast.  I did it on paper and on the applet.  I simply cannot figure this Joon Pahk and Matt Matera puzzle out.  I’ve got most of it including all the theme answers but there are certain sections that have left me clueless.

20A. Harried (R__E).  RACE?  RIFE?  No clue.

6D. Typeface imitative of handwriting (R_NDE).  That’s got to be a vowel, right?  RINDE?

7D. Words of explanation (I _EST).  Apparently, I’m an idiot.

So that’s the top middle section.  Other clues that have me stumped include:

16D. Leaves (TAKES _W___).

44D. “x” in an equation (_A___).  Mike Nothnagel, Penpal Extraordinaire and Constructor of the Friday Puzzle, where are you when I need you?

65A. Star of 1950s TV’s “The Adventures of Rin Tin Tin” (LEEAA____).  This one is just a mess.

I have a no-google week at stake here so I’m going to keep working on it but I’m pretty stumped.

As for the theme, very straightforward but enjoyable.  CLOSING THE DEAL.  All the theme answers end with the name of a card game.

A couple of the theme answers:

27A. Engagement gift (DIAMOND SOLITAIRE).  Buying Kathryn’s engagement ring was one of my more nervewracking experiences.  First, I knew when I gave it to her I’d also be asking her to marry me.  Second, I’m clueless about jewelry.  Third, it was a whole heck of a lot of money.  And Fourth, I knew (or at least hoped) she’d wear it everyday for the rest of her life.  Oy!  Everything turned out well though.  She loves it.  Phew!

119A. Classic name in chain restaurants (PIZZERIA UNO).  I did a show in Dayton, OH a few years ago and the only place open after performances was PIZZERIA UNO.  This place really is terrible.  I would assume Chicagoans find it to be a total bastardization of their beloved deep dish pizza.  Speaking of that, I’ve never been to Chicago.  When I eventually go I will want to eat deep dish.  Any suggestions?

Ok, this is a pretty lame blog post.  I don’t know why I can’t finish this puzzle.  But I will keep my chin up and end with a story.

46A. Penne ___ vodka (ALLA).  My wife and I recently went to a birthday party at Carmine’s here in NYC.  For those who don’t know, Carmine’s is a family-style Italian place.  The food is fine but not outstanding.  The real draw is the portion size.  Everything is gigantic.  A party of 4 could get one pasta and one appetizer and still have food left over.  They don’t even have tables for just two.  Anyway, we go to this party and, including us, there were 8 or 9 people at the table.  Since we were all sharing the birthday girl went around and got a consensus of what people wanted to eat.  We ended up getting a couple of appetizers, an eggplant dish, a chicken dish and two pastas.  More than enough food and I knew that not one of these dishes would be fully finished.  My problem came with the ordering of the pastas which were, get this, two orders of penne alla vodka.  Ok, so you’re ordering two pastas, neither of which will be finished and, instead of choosing a variety you get two of the exact same dish.  And, sure enough, at the end of the meal, we had two half-eaten plates of penne alla vodka.  I didn’t understand it then and I don’t understand it now.  Either get one order of penne alla vodka and eat it all or get two different varieties of pasta and have two different types of leftovers.  My brother-in-law put it best when I told him this (and, trust me, I’ve related this story to just about everybody), “I like penne alla vodka but I also like spaghetti with meatballs.”  Well said.  Seriously, am I alone with this?  Or does this irritate everybody else just as much?

Season two opener of Fill Me In coming soon.

Next stop, Monday.

Hey, a no-google Saturday for me.  It’s been a while.  I’m still working on Barry C. Silk, Friend and Confidante of Doug Peterson, Crossword Gentleman and Man About Town’s puzzle from last week.  For today’s Robert H. Wolfe offering I started it on paper, worked for about 45 minutes, fell asleep, got up and finished it on the applet in about 20 minutes.  I find for the harder puzzles I can work faster on the applet or Across Lite than I can on paper.  On paper, I’m still a little hesitant to write in answers I’m not sure about.  Even though I’m doing them in pencil I find erasing to be a chore.  On the computer I have no problem typing in anything that comes to mind and that helps me work out the tougher answers.

I would say this was a medium hard puzzle.  Some obscure trivia and some clues with any number of meanings mixed in with very gettable trivia and a few gimmies.

1A. Washington is just above it (ONE DOLLAR).  There was no way I was going to get this with no crosses.  The three Washington’s I initially thought of were the state, the capitol and the carving in Mt. Rushmore.  But as soon as I got the two L’s from LACT (6D. Opening for milk?) and LAIR (7D. One who’s not straight) it became clear very quickly.

16A. What things might be written in (STONE).  I was considering going with BLOOD here first but it makes me a little queasy so I left it blank hoping it was something else.  And I ended up getting STONE from a BLOOD.  Hey, see what I did there?

20A. The Brady boys or girls (TRIO).  This was the first answer I entered.  I consider this one a gimmie as there really wasn’t anything else it could be.  Remember when the boys suddenly all had curly hair?  What was up with that?

Straight hair:

Curly hair:

WTF?

21A. Opinionated to a fault (BIGOT).  I don’t think Mel Gibson passes the breakfast test anymore.  He’s a jackass and a BIGOT and I don’t want to think about him while I’m eating my pancakes.

25A. The Minotaur was fed seven of these annually (MAIDENS).  Yup, I put VIRGINS here first.

34A. Feldman’s co-star on “The Two Coreys” (HAIM).  Huge, massive gimmie.  The only reason I know of his existence is by virtue of his name being Corey.  I just peeked at the imdb and I can safely say I’ve seen absolutely zero movies featuring Mr. Haim.  So, you can do the math.  That means I’ve never seen The Double O Kid, Fast Getaway II, Snowboard Academy, Demolition High or Demolition University.  I have heard good things about Demolition Graduate School though.

52A. Red man? (ERIC).  This was the last entry I typed in.  Took me forever even though I had E__C.  The crosses were trivia that I didn’t know.  The R came from RENE (53D. François-___ de Chateaubriand) and the I was from ILKA (54D. Chase in films).  The only Chase I know from movies is Chevy.  And the only Chateaubriand I know is from menus.

57A. Two-time “Dancing With the Stars” co-winner Julianne (HOUGH).  Got this completely from crosses.  Am I the only one on the planet who’s never seen this show?

I’ll be interested to hear what other people think of the difficulty level of this puzzle.  I always assume that if I can finish it then it can’t possibly be too difficult.

Next stop, Sunday.

What a wonderful puzzle. David Levinson Wilk has provided us with a great, great, great Friday puzzle. Ten, that’s right, ten 15-letter answers. And only two of them are trivia based. The rest are everyday phrases. Plus, six of the 15-letter answers cross in the middle. Plus, the rest of the fill and clues were fun and lively. And, finally, it was slightly on the easy side so I finished it relatively quickly and felt a surge of intelligence rush through the very fiber of my being.

The two trivia based long answers:

3D. They include amaretto and sloe gin (ALABAMA SLAMMERS). Tricky clue. I thought amaretto and sloe gin would be examples of a certain type of liquor.

11D. 1984 Talking Heads concert film and hit album (STOP MAKING SENSE). I don’t know much about the Talking Heads and I certainly didn’t know this but it only took a few crosses for it to start making sense. Hey, see what I did there?

The other eight:

17A. Their parts are usually unusual (CHARACTER ACTORS). CHARACTER ACTORS are usually the best actors because their careers are, for the most part, based on their talent and not on their looks. I just watched The Visitor which features an Oscar-nominated performance by Richard Jenkins. He gives one of the sweetest performances I’ve seen in a long time.

56A. Just know (FEEL IN ONES BONES). Anybody ever see Murder By Death? If you haven’t there’s no point in explaining what happens. Go see it, laugh and get back to me.

32A. Not merely having wet clothes (SOAKED TO THE SKIN).

39A. Later (AT SOME OTHER TIME).

40A. Provide what’s missing (FILL IN THE BLANKS). This is kind of a meta answer as I was actually filling in the blanks while typing FILL IN THE BLANKS. Crazy.

6D. As bad as can be (ROTTEN TO THE CORE).

7D. Get all dapper (DRESS TO THE NINES). According to this article no one is sure of the origin of this phrase.

8D. Very close, in a way (ACROSS THE STREET). I’m hoping someday they will open a White Castle ACROSS THE STREET from me. Now we have one that is 5 blocks away and that is simply too far. If they do open such a thing I will eat many sliders. So many, in fact, that I will begin to dream up different ways to enjoy them. These thoughts will lead me to deep frying them. And when I deep fry them, they will look like this:

Very impressive with all those long answers.

14A. Cherry ___ (COLA). I get a Cherry Coke every now and again. Very enjoyable.

15A. It goes a long way before the Olympics (TORCH). Another great clue. I had steroids on the brain and was trying to work that angle for a while.

50A. Oscar nominee for “Stand and Deliver,” 1988 (OLMOS). This was one of those movies that was on cable at least 10 times a day. I don’t think I ever sat down and watched the whole movie start to finish. It’s a good one though and my high school math teacher (who, oddly, was not Mike Nothnagel, Penpal Extraordinaire and Constructor of the Friday Puzzle) gave me extra credit for watching it.

61A. Dreaded letters for a procrastinator? (ASAP). I am a procrastinator and I do dread these letters. I see them all the time at work and it makes me want to put it off jobs even longer.

2D. Chocolaty treat (HOHO). Crosswords have brainwashed me. I wrote in OREO and never looked back. Well, I looked back when none of the crosses worked. Nothing like seeing some HOHOs in your rearview mirror.

5D. Condensation indication (ETC). C’mon, who else put DEW here? Don’t be shy.

10D. Jam ingredients (AUTOS). Love this clue.

12D. Dictator’s opening (INRE). Another great one.

30D. Carol Kane’s role on “Taxi” (SIMKA). Don’t waste your time testing me on Taxi. You will lose. One of my favorite shows. In my opinion, Danny DeVito turns in the greatest performance in sitcom history. How is it possible to care about that little rat? Here’s one of my favorite clips. Louie feels he has to break up with Zena because she’s too nice and he can’t bring himself to “relate to her in a non-verbal manner”.

51D. Royal from the planet Alderaan (LEIA). I leave you with one of the greatest clips ever. You’ve probably already seen it as it’s been everywhere but take another 3 minutes to enjoy it again.

Outstanding puzzle.

Next stop, Saturday.

The theme in this Laura Sternberg puzzle seems very familiar to a theme in an earlier puzzle.  I don’t exactly remember that earlier puzzle but I’m sure Jim over at Wordplay has already posted a side by side comparison along with some algorithm detailing vowel arrangement as it relates to the geographic locations of included states.  Anyway, I enjoyed the theme today and I enjoyed the puzzle.

17A. Eco-friendly in Las Vegas? (GREEN WITH NV).  The wife and I got married in Vegas.  Good times.

26A. Omaha’s waterfront during downpours? (NE PORT IN A STORM).  This one took me a while as I read it as “Obama’s waterfront”.  I tried fitting DC in all over the place.  After realizing my error I thought, “wait, isn’t Omaha a state?”  And after that I decided never to go on Jeopardy.

44A. First place finishers in Bangor? (ME AWARD WINNERS).  Here’s what looks like a great place to get donuts at the National Folk Festival in Bangor.  I wonder what makes them dangerous.

59A. Jogging atop Great Falls? (RUNNING ON MT).  Great Falls has a restaurant called the Taco Treat/Amigo Lounge.  It looks tasty and I hear they employ dedicated taco folders.

15A. Holmes of “Batman Begins” (KATIE). KATIE Holmes really had better things to do then star in The Dark Knight?  Really?  I don’t believe it.  Yes, she’s a mom but I’m sure she has an army of people to take care of Slurpee.  So what was it?  What made her turn down starring in the biggest blockbuster of 2009?

37A. Actress Milano and namesakes (ALYSSA).  Alright, I’ll admit it.  I’ve always had a huge crush on ALYSSA Milano.  I’ve never really seen her in anything besides Commando (one of the most awesome movies of all time).  But, besides the small fact that she’s wildly successful and attractive, I feel we’ve lived parallel lives.  First off, we were born only 15 days apart.  Secondly, she’s a big Dodger fan as evidenced by this photo.

Thirdly, Milano cookies are my favorite Pepperidge farm product.  Clearly, there is some deep connection running through our lives.  I even met her once on the set of Spin City.  She said hello to me and I mumbled something about needing to go to the bathroom.  It’s an exchange I’m sure she’s never forgotten and  I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s Twittered about it.  I know I have.  I’ve tweeted my ass off.

61A. Neatnik’s opposite (PIG).  This seems a little harsh.

11D. Like fireworks, infrequently (INDOOR).  Infrequently?  How about never.  Who’s shooting off fireworks indoors?  The clue may as well read, “Like vast tracts of land, infrequently”.

27D. ___-necked (EWE).  Applied knowledge.

Very nice debut for Laura Sternberg.

Next stop, Friday.

Today’s Robert A. Doll puzzle salutes the Space Shuttle with a theme that has no G’s.  Perhaps I just have space on the brain.  The Space Shuttle is indeed in space right now and currently docked at the International Space Station.  And the wife and I just went to the Smithsonian Air and Space museum where we saw the capsule that John Glenn used to orbit the Earth.  Here’s Kathryn standing next to it doing her famous John Glenn impersonation.

The theme took the first G’s off in-the-language phrases:

16A. Mystery desserts? (RIDDLE CAKES).

8D. Period of seven days without bathing? (REEK WEEK).  This reminds me that I really want to go to the Gilroy Garlic Festival this year.  I’ve never been but I love garlic and it seems like the best place ever.

10D. What the sky might do in an inebriate’s dream (RAIN ALCOHOL).

24D. Illustrations for a Poe poem? (RAVEN IMAGES).

40D. Employment in Munchkinland? (RUNT WORK).

60A. Sculler’s affliction (ROWING PAINS).  ROWING PAINS, what a great show.  Whatever happened to Urt Cameron and Lan Thicke?

I missed the uber-clue that usually ties the theme together but other than that a fun Wednesday theme.

27A. Musical with the song “Mr. Mistoffelees” (CATS).  I know very little about CATS but this has to be the worst song in the history of musical theater.  It makes every molecule of my body want to flee in different directions.  How anybody can listen to this and not just want to punch something is beyond me.  Here’s a video of it in all it’s glory.  It’s 5 minutes and 54 seconds long.  I just made it through the first 27 seconds.  I challenge anybody to watch (and listen to) the whole thing without their ears bleeding.

22A. Oscar winner Sorvino (MIRA).  Has she been in anything since she won?  I see she has listings for projects on the imdb but none of them seem like actual movies people went to see.  Free Money?  WiseGirls?  Covert One: The Hades Factor?  Seriously, has anybody seen any of these?

32A. Orange feature (NAVEL).  Amy, is this true?

43A. Miming dances (HULAS).  What does this mean?

52D. Sitcom with the catchphrase “Kiss my grits!” (ALICE).  I love how this comes up in puzzles every now and again.  I’m going to work it into the next podcast.

Fun puzzle by Mr. Doll.

Next stop, Thursday.

Welcome to the third installment of “Remember the 2009 ACPT?”. In this episode, we go back in time about two weeks and hold interviews in the hallways of the Brooklyn Mariott with such luminaries as Kevin G. Der-Hyphen-Youkilis, David Stein (who would rather), Patrick “El Blindito” Blindauer, Amanda Yesnowitz, T.U.P.V.E.A.S.L.T.U.A, Stephen “Grimaldi” Grant and at least one more person whose name escapes me.

We also pose many questions to Mike Nothnagel, Pen Pal Extraordinaire and Constructor of the Friday Puzzle. We hope Mike is out there, because we are on the edge of our collective seat with anticipation of your well-researched answers.

Coming up next week (or perhaps the week after) will actually be the beginning of Season Two. We’ve put it off long enough, but since the hate mail is starting to outweigh the love mail, we have no choice but to sally forth with whatever nonsense we come up with.

Thanks for listening — see you for Season Two!

 

 Fill Me In #045: Finally, the final finale. [41:22m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Zambezi and oat.

I’ve never understood the appeal of parades. Seemingly normal people line up on the curb starting at some ridiculous pre-dawn hour to watch people wave at them from extremely slow moving vehicles. Here in New York any attempt to get to point A on the West Side to point B on the East Side during parade hours turns into a death-defying journey through a sea of ridiculously-hatted people who have convinced themselves they’re having a wonderful time. Add to that the fact that St. Patrick’s day, for some reason, gives a large number of people the right to publicly throw up with abandon and I’ve always found March 17th a good day to stay home. Having said all that, happy St. Patrick’s Day everyone! (I do want to make it clear that I’m all for celebrating Irish culture. I’m all for celebrating any culture. I just don’t understand the parade as medium for said celebration.)

Today’s Richard Chisholm puzzle celebrates the Irish.

57D. Land that’s saluted in this puzzle (ERIN).

The rest of the theme answers include Irish names. I think that’s the significance of them. I looked on google maps and they’re not places in Ireland which is what 57D lead me to believe.

20A. 1940s hit radio show featuring the bartender Archie (DUFFYS TAVERN). I have tried to listen to old radio programs but I’m afraid TV has ruined my brain. I just can’t imagine staring at a radio and listening to my favorite sitcom. I’m sure if I grew up in the 40s or 50s I would have loved them.

28A. 1939 James Joyce novel (FINNEGANS WAKE). Nope, never read this. When I someday get through Ulysses I’ll then move on to his other works.

36A. 1960s sitcom about a group of castaways (GILLIGANS ISLAND). I guess it says something about me that this is the only theme answers with which I’m familiar. I’ve seen every episode of GI numerous times. I haven’t watch it in years which is just as well as I’m sure I’d wonder why  I wasted so many hours engrossed in their shenanigans. I’m sure a movie is in the works and, if it is, may I make a suggestion? Make a real story out of it. Don’t camp it up or make it into a wacky comedy with Cuba Gooding Jr. I think it actually could be a very good story. Anyway, here’s a picture of the cast that suggests a show much more interesting than what was actually produced.

44A. 1946 Bing Crosby hit (MCNAMARAS BAND). A search for this song on youtube turns up quite a number of versions. The most enjoyable performance I found was by the Yale Wiffenpoofs.

51A. 1960s sitcom set in a P.O.W. camp (HOGANS HEROES).  Never seen it.  Not sure what’s funny about being captured by Nazis.  I did see Auto Focus, the super creepy movie about Bob Crane.  You’ve gotta hand it to Greg Kinnear, he’s made quite a career out of being exactly the same in everything.

Nicely done puzzle by Mr. Chisholm.

Next stop, Wednesday.

With all due respect to Andrea Carla Michaels, perhaps Lynn Lempel is the true Queen of Mondays. Today marks her 28th Monday presentation, and in this one, “the answers to eight starred clues all have something in common, each in a different way.” I wonder how the theme would feel without this warning/announcement at the top of the puzzle. Those theme answers are:

• 17A. Fraternity with a sweetheart of a song : SIGMA CHI

• 18A. Drink that often comes with an umbrella : MAI TAI

• 24A. Like some socks : KNEE HIGH

• 37A. Smart aleck : WISE GUY. Oh, whoops. Not Smart Alex. Anyway. Remember when Alex Trebek looked like this? No, I don’t really, either. I did see Family Guy the other day, and it was the one when Adam West got on Jeopardy and gave “KEBERT XELA” as his response to something. Good episode.

• 39A. Salon supply in a bottle : HAIR DYE

• 48A. Good picnic forecast : CLEAR SKY. And I want this to be my view.

• 58A. Chocolaty ice cream dessert : MUD PIE. On second thought, maybe this should be my view.

• 60A. Second-generation senator from Indiana : EVAN BAYH

Perfectly designed and executed, and eight theme answers to boot. Fantastic. Although I was able to no-Google this easily, there were a few entries foreign to me:

• 9D. Track choice for Lionel trains : O GAUGE (NYT debut). I don’t understand this at all. I could look it up, but instead, perhaps someone will enlighten me.
• 47A. “Bad” cholesterol, for short : LDL

Was that it? I thought there was more. Okay. This post is sadly short because I’m exhausted and sleep must come. So. Ryan is back tomorrow. And the next episode of Fill Me In is coming in a few days. In light of recent comments on that subject, we plan to listen to the sounds of our own voices and try to inflict as much pain upon our listeners as possible. Keep those comments coming in!

See you Tuesday.

It’s a short post for a quick puzzle. This was a fairly effortless no-Google for me, despite a hanful of words I didn’t know. I’ll start with those, and then get to the theme.

• 18A. Eastern Catholic who recognizes the pope’s authority : UNIATE. Religion should join rivers in the quadrant of my brain that Cannot Remember Anything.
• 21A. Geological epoch when mastodons appeared : MIOCENE. I had the O and assumed IRON AGE. This became a major goat rodeo shortly thereafter.
• 27A. Oscar winner Kedrova : LILA. Here she is with Anthony Quinn in “Zorba,” her Oscar-winning turn.
• 32D. Folded fast food : TACO. My argument here is that while a taco shell is folded, the taco itself is not. A folded taco would break into a number of pieces. The picture is one we’ve run before in conjunction with this answer, but it’s too creepy not to run it again.
• 61D. City in Tornado Alley : TULSA. When is this going to be clued as “Place Brian’s wife was born”?
• 69D. “The Lord of the Rings” ring bearer : GOLLUM. Tricksy clueses. Gollum bears the ring for about a minute and a half, whereas Frodo bears it for three years and even Sam holds it for maybe half a day.
• 77A. World Heritage Site in Jordan : PETRA
• 90A. Kickback for good publicity : PLUGOLA. Huh?
• 100D. Only five-time U.S. Horse of the Year : KELSO. My uncle, a huge horse racing fan and participant, has a dog named Kelso. Now I know from whence came the name.

Now the theme. I found it wonderfully clever. Standard two-word phrases where each word takes an S at the beginning to make new two-word phrases:

• 23A. Ridiculed someone as loudly as possible? : SCREAMED SCORN
• 28A. Piece of hay? : STABLE STALK
• 30A. Comedic bits by guys sitting at a bar? : STOOL SKITS
• 39A. Astronaut’s old wound? : SPACE SCAR
• 53A. Worked at an herb shop, maybe? : SOLD SAGE
• 57A. Change devices that divert trains to different tracks? : SWITCH SHUNTS
• 81A. Ore refinery? : SMELTING SPOT
• 84A. Large field of dirt? : SOIL SPAN
• 99A. Reachtion upon being hit with a chair in WrestleMania? : SHAM SHOCK. The picture is a ham hock, which I didn’t know what it was. Now that I see it, I still don’t know, but I’m hungry.
• 108A. What an angry robot might do? : SPIT SCREWS
• 111A. What Buffy might be doing at the end of a long, hard night : SLAYING SLOW
• 119A. Increase in perfect basketball shots : SWISHING SWELL

That’s right — twelve theme answers. Fantastic. Well done, Patrick Berry!

I’m off to bed. Ryan’s back in a day or so, so I should try to clean up this mess so he doesn’t fire me. See you Monday.

What does it count for if I no-Google about 75% of the puzzle (with one error)? Anything? Do I fail? Ryan is out of town and my wife is asleep, so here I am in the wee hours with an unfinished grid.

This puzzle by Barry C. Silk had me pulling my hair out with the entire northwest territory. He gets off to a very selfish start, offering 1A. Park near Philly’s City Hall, site of the LOVE statue. This is not just one of those run-of-the-mill Stick It To You clues (where the clue makes a very casual reference to something completely unknown, leaving me to feel doubly stupid for knowing neither the clue nor the answer), but a Double Stick It To You clue, what with both the City Hall and the LOVE statue. And I still have no clue. I’ve been to Philadelphia twice. I don’t know anything there. Maybe the Eagles?

So forget the northwest for now. It’s still empty. The rest of the puzzle is full of JBGs — Just Barely Gettables. Things that are like 0.01% over the line of gettable. In fact, one was a complete guess and one I got wrong. So actually not so gettable for me. The total guess was 65A. 1966 hit for the Capitols. The answer is COOL JERK, which I don’t know. The reason it was a guess was the J and the K. 61D. Period in Indian history is RAJ, which only makes sense to me because it’s sort of like RAJA or TAJ or other Indian words like that. The K is my problem. Isn’t the 36D. Passe video store offering a LASERDISC? With a C? The internet shows me over six million Google hits for LASERDISC (with a C), including the Wikipedia entry. With a K at the end (LASERDISK, like in the puzzle), Google shows me 206,000 hits. Barry C. Silk, where’s the proper loyalty to your middle initial? From now on, you are Barry K. Silk to me.

Southwest area, somewhere around El Paso, TX (not to be confused with south-central, where 46D. Texas’s westernmost county [EL PASO] is in the grid), I have never heard of AXILLA (58A. Secret area of the anatomy?). I looked this up, and it’s the armpit. Why is this a secret? I’m confused by the so-called “clever” clue. Is it secret because we don’t talk about them much, the armpits? Let’s do the armpits of the world a service — tomorrow, at some point during the day, please hold a sincere discussion with a friend or co-worker about your armpits. And use the word AXILLA in it.

Oh, which part of AXILLA was your error, Brian? It was the second L. I know nothing about Valentino movies, and 5D/59D. is Rudolph Valentino’s “Blood and Sand” co-star. With blank-E-E (and 5D being four letters), I couldn’t stop thinking about Ruby Dee, and figured that maybe she was in this movie. (HINT: She wasn’t.) Playing the Kevin Bacon game, I can get from Rudolph Valentino to Ruby Dee in two steps — Adolphe Menjou was in “The Sheik” with Valentino and in “The Tall Target” with Dee (picture at left). Who can name another Adolphe Menjou film? Quick, you have until I solve the northwest, or until July (whichever comes first).

At this point, I have no choice but to give you a play-by-play of my inability to completely solve this puzzle. So, at 1:44 a.m., here I go.

1:44 a.m.: Apparently, 28D. They’re the fault of faults isn’t CHASMS or SPASMS, but rather SEISMS, which I certainly would never have gotten since it’s totally made up. Other than LEE in place of DEE, this was the first answer I had to look up. It has not broken open the northwest, though. I’m still looking for that breakthrough. I’ll keep you updated as I work.

1:47 a.m.: POEMs don’t follow convention (although of course, some do). There’s nothing called MUHR, but rather RUHR (53A. Arnsberg is on it). So it’s convention-GOERs. That it’s not MUHR is good, since I have MUIR for 22A. Sierra Club founder, and those two would be awfully similar to appear in the same puzzle.

1:49 a.m.: Along those lines, what’s I’M GONE and I’M DONE doing here in one grid? The first is 16A. “Ciao!”; the second is 45A. Confirmation to a busboy. But wow, those are awfully alike.

1:53 a.m.: Can you have a single SCAD of something? 32D. Lot suggests that yes, you can.

1:59 a.m.: I have it in my head that 2D. Result of a combustion explosion is going to be some kind of —–BURN. This is left over from when I thought SEISMS was CHASMS, and I thought 27A. Picked styles was A, B OR C. Now that all looks ridiculous, but I’m stuck on STEAM BURN. I don’t even know what a combustion engine is. Can you get a steam burn from it?

2:07 a.m.: RYANNNNNN! Come home, and solve the rest of this.

2:08 a.m.: Stupid Ryan.

2:09 a.m.: I have to be up in seven hours and go to work. This is going to end quite badly for me.

2:14 a.m.: A few guesses are confirmed by XWordInfo.com. 25A. Prefix with facsimile (TELE) and 21D. Dartmoor setting (DEVON) (No, I’ve never heard of this at all) suggest that 29A. Prepares with hot seasoning is either ANVILS or CAVILS or DEVILS. None of these things involve spice. Or heat. Except anvils, which are used for pounding hot metal. I don’t think that’s what’s going on here. I think DEVILS, although the two foods I know that have the devil in them (Devil’s food cake and deviled eggs) do not contain hot spices.

2:18 a.m.: 8D. Pair of diamonds? is ARGYLES. Dear lord.

2:23 a.m.: More guessing, confirming, realizing I’m an idiot.

2:25 a.m.: 7D. Totally beat. ME ON THIS PUZZLE.

2:26 a.m.: And appropriately, at this hour, ZONKED.

2:31 a.m.: This is nonsense. I am giving up. Here are the answers I didn’t know, even after Googling:

• 1A. Park near Philly’s City Hall, site of the LOVE statue : JFK PLAZA
• 1D. It was captured by British forces in 1917 : JERUSALEM. I’d love it if someday all the stupid fighting over whether there’s an Israel, whether it’s a country, all of that would just end. This is the lamest war ever. There’s tons of the world out there — leave them alone.
• 2D. Result of a combustion explosion : FLASH FIRE
• 3D. Eponym of a national forest in New Mexico : KIT CARLSON. This seems ridiculous. There’s a forest in New Mexico called Kit Carlson Forest?
• 15A. Drawer : ELICITOR. Really? One who draws = one who elicits. Oy.
• 17A. Fazing : RATTLING
• 31A. Fine threads : LISSLES
• 41A. Head word : MEN. I don’t understand this. Head, like bathroom?

Well, there it is. Current no-Google streak is zero for the second day in a row. Sad to be me. I will be back, blogging for your enjoyment tomorrow and Monday. So until then, just hang onto your hats, ’cause Ryan will return soon.

See you Sunday.