Ryan and Brian Do Crosswords

Things that are not fair:

1. That Jonathan Papelbon, closer for the Boston Red Sox, gave up three runs in the ninth inning, which ultimately led to the Anaheim Angels of Anaheim sweeping their way into the American League Championship Series.
2. That I have a splitting headache.
3. That I finally got the Java applet working on my computer, and I was all set to be one of the first ten people to finish the puzzle, except it was wicked hard, and I ended up being eleventh.
4. That I have to blog. We’ve been through this before – Ryan is better, Ryan is more fun, everyone hates Brian – I understand that this is the way of the world, but it’s Still Not Fair.

So somehow, we have a Monday theme hidden within a Wednesday puzzle (complete with Friday fill in a couple spots), and as of this writing, Amy Reynaldo is the only one who finished it in normal Monday time. But whatever – she thought Saturday was normal for Saturday, and I finished it in under 20 minutes (which is way not normal for me for Saturday). Anyway…

The theme is conceptually one we’ve seen a thousand times. Five entries that play with the five vowels. I don’t recall if this is one of the Ten Deadly Themes of Brendan Emmett Quigley’s, but it’s not one that does much to thrill me.

• 18A. Likely result of pollution along a beach : SWIMMING BAN
• 23A. Title bear of 1960s TV : GENTLE BEN
• 41A. Receptacle for some donations : USED CLOTHING BIN
• 54A. “It’s so good” in Paris : C’EST SI BON
• 62A. Lenten treat : HOT CROSS BUN

To all of it, I say blah, bleh, blih, bloh, bluh.

Blah. I didn’t even get the theme until after I was the eleventh person to finish the puzzle on the applet, and went back to look at it. I guess GENTLE BEN and HOT CROSS BUN are actual things, things that are terms and definable and recognizable. But the other three seem like rather arbitrary terms used just to incorporate the rest of the theme. I would rather see actual things that require the theme portions to be what they are. Ban deodorant – you have to call it that, or it’s not accurate. Jonathan Papelbon. That’s his name, and he’s a horrible, horrible person. See, those would be more specific, more important entries. C’est si bon? Please.

Bleh. By the way – either I’m getting less and less tolerant of all the French and Spanish and whatnot, or there’s more and more of it. Does anyone out there solve non-English crosswords? And when you do, is there a random amount of English thrown in? It just seems weird to me, that there’s a certain amount of stuff that goes into crosswords that’s not English – when this is an English word game. I know the rules aren’t the same, but in Scrabble, there’s no playing random French words, even if they’re commonly known. And what makes it weirder (to me) in crosswords is that there can be a few, but not too many. Why any at all?

I continue to not wholly love this puzzle today, so let me gripe about a few other things:"

• 8A. Make equal, as the score : EVEN UP
• 45A. Make equal, as the score : TIE

Blih. It’s cute when two clues in a row are the same (but obviously calling for different answers). But when they’re miles away from each other, all this does is confuse the hell out of me. I already had the 8-Across clue in my head (not yet filled in because EVEN UP is a little arbitrary to me, and it didn’t come quickly to mind), and when I got to 45-Across, I wondered if I was experiencing deja vu.

[Side note: Is there a non-French way to say “deja vu” so I can not be hypocritical?]

• 38D. Mel who was #4 at the Polo Grounds : OTT
• 63D. Bobby who was #4 at Boston Garden : ORR

Bloh. Again, the two similar clues are way far apart in the grid, and I’m unenthused with both the repetitive cluing and the fact that OTT and ORR are so similar to each other and that they’re generic crosswordiness.

By the way – lots of threes in this puzzle. 78 words overall. Is that a lot for a Monday? Seems like it’s the high end for this sort of puzzle.

Bluh. All the random stuff that seems kinda obscure for Mondays:

• 7D. “___ at ‘em!” : LEMME. Seems pretty random, like a lot of this puzzle.
• 17A. ___-o’-shanter : TAM
• 20A. “You ___ wrong!” : ARE SO. What is this? This is as random as it gets. It’s just the middle of a sentence, it’s not a phrase. To be a phrase, it has to be something we all say or hear or think. I think I’ll clue something as “I ___ dishes.” I’ll put the answer at the end of this post for you.
• 27D. Emperor after Nero : GALBA
• 31A. “Le Coq ___” : D’OR. Apparently, “The Golden Cock.”
• 35D. Has left the office : IS OUT. Bluh indeed.
• 44A. 1910s-20s flivver : MODEL T. In this case, it’s the clue that is weird.

Just for comparison – 61A. Milan’s home is ITALY. Duh. That’s Monday.

Oh, and my pet peeve clue of the day : 58D. Citi Field player, for short (N.Y. MET). For short for whom? Who calls them “the N.Y. Mets”? We either say “the New York Mets” or “the Mets.” So for whom, I ask, is this short? Nonsense is what it is. Nonsense.

See you Tuesday.

* answer to my random clue: DID THE