Ryan and Brian Do Crosswords

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Brian continues his streak of not being able to do crosswords

October 02, 2009 By: Brian Category: NY Times 12 Comments →

I used to have a post here, but I’ve just deleted it in favor of this: Anyone who wants to use the comments to talk about this October 3 puzzle by Doug Peterson, please go ahead.

Thank you. I now return you to your regularly scheduled blog with Ryan.

Brian solves the NYT puzzle: Fri., 9-25-09

September 24, 2009 By: Brian Category: NY Times 12 Comments →

Ryan is off on a top secret assignment in Pittsburgh and Washington, D.C. this weekend. He told me that it’s just a coincidence that the Dodgers are playing against the Pirates and Nationals, and that he’s actually travelling for BeMoreSmarter business, so I guess I’ll take his word for it. I don’t know. What do you think?

Today’s puzzle is from Robert Doll, and it surprised me by being a combination of easy-for-a-Friday (I got about 75% of the grid very quickly) and also at the same time, impossible. I stared at the southwest forever, having decided that if Ryan can no-Google all these Saturdays on which he doesn’t know anything, I can at least no-Google a Friday. I’m the reigning E Division champion, for crying out loud. What the hell is wrong with me?

But alas, it was not to be. For there was an impossible series of crossings. Two GCIs and one 50/50, and no matter what I did, the throughline made no sense to me. 34D. Gull’s cry is apparently I BEEN HAD. I assumed that “gull” meant something other than the bird, but I certainly have never heard the word used in any other way. And I had I—E-HA- going down, with some major question marks going across. To wit:

  • 38A. Nigerian native : IBO
  • 41A. ___ Correo : AEREO
  • 51A. Province between Palermo and Catania : ENNA
  • and 61A. Things often passed on : Abbr. : RDS

Well, the last one I knew was either RDS (roads) or RTS (routes). That was my 50/50. I thought of IBO for 38A, thinking that maybe I knew it from somewhere. Then I decided that I knew it because IBO was an abbreviation for something stock market-related. (I never got around to deciding that I was thinking of IPO [initial public offering] and that IBO isn’t a stock market acronym, but whatever.) So I abandoned IBO, and was still waffling on RDS/RTS. All this time, of course, I’m trying to figure out what a gull is when it’s not a bird.

In the meantime, I had E-NA for 51A, and deciding that Palermo and Catania were either Italian or Spanish, the only thing that seemed to make sense to me was ETNA. It’s a mountain, maybe it’s a province as well. Here’s what I know about provinces. If you tell me how many are in Canada, I can name all but one. If you tell me how many are in any European country, I can say, “I’m sorry – what do you take me for, some kind of person who knows anything?”

And as for 41A, I knew it was something in another language, and that it could be any letter at all, but that it was probably a consonant. Good thinking, moron.

So I was back to square one, with three foreign words crossing a kind of noise a bird makes, because in 30 minutes of staring, “gull” was still a bird. I decided on IBO (yes), ARREO (no), ETNA (no) and RDS (yes), leaving me with IBRETHAD. And so I decided that an ibrethad was the scientific name a seagull made when squawking on the beach. Voila, I’m done, hooray.

I’m looking back on when I get particularly stuck in crosswords, and without doing the specific math, it sure seems like most of the time, it’s with foreign words or names. In this puzzle, it was IBO, AEREO and ENNA. Joon Pahk, Squirrel of Discord, has reminded me on numerous occasions how much I don’t know about world capitals. My mother and I lamented the other day (while solving some old puzzles together) that neither of us know much about four-letter rivers of the world (now including the Nile, which I have come to learn I know nothing about).

So I need to learn more about the world. What should I do? Buy an atlas? Buy a globe? Take sporcle.com quizzes? I would love advice from the brilliant masses who read this blog on what might be the best way to educate myself in the ways of the world – or at least in the ways of words and names in other languages.

I learned two written languages as a kid – English and music. I’m now barely above average at both, and possess zero knowledge of anything else. Is this the end of the road for me, or is there hope?

Well, no matter what, it’s the end of the post for me. See you Saturday.

P.S. Are there any good collections of themeless puzzles out there, moderately challenging (Friday-ish) that are all in English?

P.P.S. I did a Google search for “i been had” +gull and discovered that there were 23 hits. Twenty-three. That’s how many kids were at recess in Maura Jacobson’s puzzle last week. And the first six hits were other people’s blogs for today’s puzzle. Yet this is still a well-known-enough concept for a crossword puzzle? Hm…

Brian solves the NYT puzzle: Fri., 8-28-09

August 28, 2009 By: Brian Category: NY Times 15 Comments →

Before I get down to why I am the most loser person in the world, I’ve got a few commercial announcements.

DASH (Different Area, Same Hunt) is a puzzle hunt event taking place in eight cities (Boston, Portland, Houston, Los Angeles, Seattle,  and Palo Alto, and San Francisco). Every city contributed one clue to the event, and each city will use all the clues from the contributing cities. The hunt will take place entirely on foot and should last somewhere between 5 to 7 hours. We expect the puzzles to be moderately challenging for most teams, taking between 10 – 30 minutes to solve. These puzzles incorporate wordplay, logic, code deciphering, general knowledge, and lots of creativity. For more information, visit: http://www.playdash.org/ Also, you may follow us at the national level on Twitter at @playdash.

Also – the Bay Area Crossword Tournament is coming up on September 12. $25 registration if you do it now, $30 at the door. Four puzzles, three of which are coming from the New York Times and one from a little-known crossword personality by the name of Tyler Hinman.

And now, onto our main event, the Friday puzzle by David Quarfoot. My memory of David Quarfoot is that his puzzles are a) impossible and 2) contain lots of crunchy letters.

And… my memory is accurate, thank you very much. Being the hack solver I am, I spent a good 40 minutes on about 90% of this before I finally had to turn to XWordInfo.com to check up on an answer. No no-Google streak for this wannabe crossword guru.

The puzzle was full of things I just didn’t know at all – or at least, things that were familiar, but never came into focus from the clues. Is this an instance of clues not pointing to answers? No, just a solver who is a moron. Let’s see:

1A. Rallying cry supported by some monks : FREE TIBET. Seriously. Give me something I can grab onto for the first clue. Free Tibet? Good lord, let’s just start off the puzzle experience by pointing out how non-political and non-aware of everything Brian Cimmet can be.

10A. When Antony says, “I am dying, Egypt, dying” : ACT IV. I actually just guessed this. I assume it’s from “Antony and Cleopatra,” but who can say.

12D. Right in every detail : TO A HAIR. This is a phrase? It took some very clever Googling to even find one site that explained this term.

13D. Two-time president of Romania : ILIESCU. I saw “two-time” and entered HORWITZ.

14D. Facial feature with a point : VAN DYKE. Apparently there’s no such thing as a VEE NOSE.

15A. Company with a maple leaf logo : AIR CANADA. Yeah, I was way off on this because I thought that 2D. One-named Grammy winner of 2007 was RHIANNA, not RIHANNA. Oops. For that matter, I also had AIRHEAD instead of FATHEAD, EEG instead of ECG, TORT instead of TART, ALEUT instead of INUIT and a bunch of blank squares. With all that, IHREOL— doesn’t look like much.

16A. Part of a college cheer : BOOLA. I swear, I never once said this, and I completed four years of college. Did I miss something?

17A. 2004 horror film about a passed-on curse : THE GRUDGE. I remember the poster looked awfully creepy. I never saw the movie.

18A. Major processing center : BRAIN, or what Brian doesn’t have today. I was certain that this was going to have something to do with the military, and Major didn’t mean “primary,” but rather a rank. So much for me outthinking the puzzle.

51D. Get close, maybe : ZOOM IN. It’s not ZONE IN, which is what I first tried. It’s also not ZERO IN, which is what I tried next. This was the entry I had to look up, since I very confidently assumed that if it began with a Z (which I knew from 50A. Princess Fiona’s voicer in “Shrek” for DIAZ), it had to be one of my first two ideas. There couldn’t possibly be three phrases that start with Z and mean “get close,” could there? Yes, there could.

55D. Soften, often : RIPEN. I don’t get this one. How many things ripen more than once? Or does it just mean that lots of things get soft when they get ripe, therefore it happens often, just not to the same thing…? I tried RINSE here, which also doesn’t make sense, but seemed logical. I kept thinking about washing my hands with Palmolive.

The whole area down here was a disaster for me. I didn’t know five of the six long entries that made up the southeast. Aside from VATICAN, I was lost on ADELINA (45D. Legendary soprano ___ Patti), USS COLE (47D. Destroyer in 2000 headlines – do they mean the year 2000, or that there were two thousand newspapers that ran stories?), SIMPATICO (62A. Congenial – I never saw the movie), ERIE CANAL (65A. Construction with many locks – I knew it wasn’t about locks and keys, but I assumed it was about hair) and PENNY LANE (67A. Where “all the people that come and go stop and say hello” – why, why, why could I not get the damn score to “Light in the Piazza” out of my head while reading this clue?”)… All in all, that corner killed me. I needed Google Tickets.

Well, that’s that. I give Mr. Quarfoot’s puzzle an A for being fantastic, and I give this solver an F for failing to know half the stuff.

Ryan, if you want to delete this post and write something more interesting so our readers will be glad they came here, please go right ahead.

Brian fails to solve the NYT puzzle: Friday, 6-26-09

June 26, 2009 By: Brian Category: NY Times 14 Comments →

I’ve been doing a ton of late-week puzzles lately, mostly themeless, and I feel like I’m getting better. Then this Lynn Lempel puzzle shows up on my desk, and I go back to being the idiot I’m known to be. I didn’t just have to Google an answer on this, I had to give up and search out two full sections that I found utterly confusing.

Before I get to those, let’s discuss some of the awesome answers from this puzzle:

  • 11D. Techies affiliated with a major electronics chain : GEEK SQUAD. I warch “Chuck” on television, so NERD HERD popped into my head. Of course, that’s fictional. But I know the Geek Squad because one of their cars lives in my neighborhood. I see it from time to time, and I want to take my laptop to them and say “why does this shut down after about 20 minutes of use no matter what?” Sadly, the times that I have my broken laptop with me and the times that there are geeks in the Geek Squad car don’t ever seem to coincide.
  • 17A. One calling about a tower, maybe : AAA MEMBER. Of course this is “tower” as in “one who tows,” not “place where Rapunzel lives.” I have changed my own FLAT tire (1A. What a 17-Across might get assistance with) twice, but I don’t know that I’ve called Triple A before.
  • 20A. Ellen of “Ocean’s Thirteen” : BARKIN. Why wasn’t this clued as “great crossword solver, and knower of all things”? Howard, you should write in and complain to someone. Anyway, I liked the first of the Ocean movies best. And I mean the first of the Clooney/Pitt/Damon ones. I never saw the real original one. But I like buddy movies and I like heist movies. Maybe it’s because my life lacks both buddies and heists. I don’t know. Ms. Barkin is the one in the pink dress. Lynn Lempel is the one in the blue dress on the other side of Al Pacino. The guy peeking between Al and Lynn is allegedly Crosscan.
  • 40A. Kangaroo carrier? : QANTAS. I guess the question mark debate continues… Why here? Are we to believe that “kangaroo” is slang for Australian? Maybe. I totally tanked on QANTAS as an answer on one of the first puzzles I did since starting this whole blog thing with Ryan last year. I haven’t forgotten it since.

So here’s my first Area of Doom:

  • 41A. Rumble : GANG WAR. You’d think, with my theater background, this would be a gimme (see: West Side Story), but instead I found myself writing in MAN-O-WAR for some reason, and convinced myself it was right. But this wasn’t my worst obstacle…

41D, 33D, 43D, 46A and 50A — these five answers mean nothing to me. They are, respectively, GOREN, BENGHAZI, AMENS, FOR SHAME and GREEN ZONE.

  • 41D. Bridge guru : GOREN. Apparently, Charles Goren played bridge. The card game. My parents used to play bridge a lot (maybe they still do), and I never learned it. I don’t know a single thing about it. I used to read the section of the newspaper where they proposed a bridge hand and challenged the reader to come up with the best plays (or something along those lines). I would read the answers and think they were simply making stuff up to sound important. Bid one no trump, three no spades, pass to the east, blah blah blah. Maybe if I understood the ultimate goal, the game would make more sense. This photo represents the only kind of bridge and card combination I can figure out.
  • 33D. Libya’s second-largest city : BENGHAZI. Seriously, the second largest city in Libya? I challenge the dumbest 95% of the American population to name any single city in Libya besides the capital. Any city. Okay, even name the capital. Go ahead, I dare you.
  • 43D. Famous last words : AMENS. Obviously this is meant to deceive, but I don’t get it. What’s famous about “amen”? I guess it’s a “last word” because it ends a lot of prayers. But does that make it famous? Is the word “the” famous, too?
  • 46A. Cry of reproof : FOR SHAME. Apparently, I have to look up “reproof.” Merriam-Webster says it means “criticism for a fault.” Okay. Seems like one of those words someone made up just to make themselves smarter than their neighbor. I should try that. I will now start using words that Ryan doesn’t know.
  • 50A. Walled-off enclave in Iraq : GREEN ZONE. I’m just an ignorant fool. I read the news, but I didn’t know this term.

Let’s now explore the other section that I couldn’t get without help, and that was the middle:

  • 24A. Formal discussion : COLLOQUY. Holy crap. I got the -OQUY at the end, which should have been the awkwardly difficult part of this word. But the only word I ever heard of that ends this way is SOLILOQUY, which fits neither the boxes nor the clue. How does colloquy mean formal, yet colloquial means informal? Discuss.
  • 29D. Mountain passes : GATES. Someone explain this. What mountains have gates to let you through? Tunnels, maybe. Valleys in between? Sure. Gates? I did a Google image search for mountain gates, and came up with pictures of mountains, pictures of gates and pictures of a heavy metal band’s cover art for their album “Rhapsody.” Nothing else useful, though.
  • 32A. Like drag shows : CAMPY. I hate drag humor. I don’t think it’s funny, and I don’t think it’s entertaining. I don’t think it’s shocking. I don’t understand why it appeals to some people. It’s men in dresses with makeup and wigs, usually acting more stereotypically over-the-top flaming gay than the least bit feminine. But is it campy? I thought parody and satire could be described as campy. I enjoy a good parody. And campy humor can be fun (see: Christopher Guest movies). But drag shows? Wait — is there something about car racing going on here? Is it that kind of drag? No… I’m just lost.

Okay, on second thought — I looked for a picture to put here, and came across Tim Curry from “Rocky Horror Picture Show.” That’s campy and drag and I enjoyed it. So I’m proven wrong. Voila.

  • 20D. Guy who needs no 24-Down : BALDY. Well, 24-Down is COMBS (Dopp kit items). I think this 20-Down clue is not very good. It makes no indication that we’re looking for a cutesy name — in fact, I think this clue merits more question mark than the Qantas clue. Also, who uses the word “baldy” anyway? Seems random. Finally, most bald people aren’t fully bald anyway, and combs can still be useful for the back and the sides. To this entry, I say “meh.”

Bottom line, this was a frustrating puzzle. Couldn’t solve it Google-free, which was a disappointment, and even when I learned the answers, I realized I wouldn’t have been able to solve it anyway (which was another disappointment).

In other news, come to Lollapuzzoola 2. It’s going to be legendary.

See you Saturday!

Brian solves Friday, 5-1-09

May 01, 2009 By: Brian Category: NY Times 18 Comments →

May apparently is going to be one of those months where the Fridays are harder than the Saturdays. At least, it better be, because this puzzle was a monster. Joon Pahk, you’re my new nemesis. I did not no-Google it, for those few of you who think I even have such a skill. No, I needed help with one section in the southeast. Otherwise, the puzzle was… insane. Usually I list the things I didn’t know. I’m including here some words I apparently do know, but I don’t understand what they mean, even with the clue nearby. First of all, the two long entries:

  • 7D. Government marked by rampant greed and corruption : KLEPTOCRACY. I had no idea this was a word. I thought UNITED STATES might be right, but no. I talked to my wife on the phone tonight while I worked on this, and asked her if she thought KLEPTOCRACY was a word. She said, “Honey, you know I already think you’re cute for doing the crosswords. Don’t push it.”
  • 26D. Biochemical arrangement : DNA SEQUENCE. Okay, Joon Pahk. We get it. You’re a genius. You’re a Harvard professor, and you probably teach all the subjects, and I only have a useless music degree and I still never know an F-clef from an F-hole. If you’re sooooo smart, then what’s my DNA sequence, and how can I make it better?

In addition to these entries, which spent most of the puzzle-solving time mocking me from the page, there were these that baffled me as well:

  • 3D. Diamond information : ROSTER. Continuing with Ryan’s theory that crosswords + diamonds = baseball, this entry doesn’t sit right for me. I guess in the general sense of a diamond representing the sport as a whole, but as far as the diamond is concerned in a more literal sense, the roster is more dugout information, perhaps.
  • 8A. Arms on shoulders : MUSKETS. I thought a musket was like a pistol. I know I’m not right, because I was about to prove you all wrong by including a photo of one, only to find out they’re more like rifles. Fine.
  • 9D. Strip of gear : UNRIG. I got the answer, but I’m filing this entry with UNSAFER.
  • 12D. Army outfit : EQUIPAGE. Apropos of nothing, I tried FATIGUES here first. Maybe if the clue had a question mark, but I thought I was being quite clever. As far as EQUIPAGE is concerned, it’s one of those -AGE words that shouldn’t be, like signage. Ugh, I hate that word.
  • 19A. Add (up) : TOT. This is a word on its own? Not short for TOTAL?
  • 25A. Hidebound : STODGY. Now that I look at it, I don’t actually know what either word means.
  • 31D. Tumble and toss about : WELTER. As in, “When I have a bit of a cold, I tend to welter through the night.” Apparently.
  • 35D. Imperator’s law : LEX. Apparently, “Imperator’s law” = ___ Luthor. Who knew?
  • 36D. Flock member : GULL? No. LAMB? Nope. LAIC. Oh, of course. …What?
  • 37D. Big name in steelmaking : BESSEMER. So big that bessemer.com returns an error.
  • 40A. Polar bears, e.g. : SEALERS. I imagine the polar bears have a whole market for seals and whatnot. The word “sealers” suggests that it’s their profession, not instinct.
  • 44A. Poule’s partner : COQ. Holy crap, I had to do a Google image search before I understood this. (All the text searches give m “les poules et le coq” and like.) For those wondering — it’s a rooster for crying out loud.
  • 46A. The appendix extends from it : CECUM. No clue. The first three letters here were what I had to look up.
  • 51A. Arrangement : LAYOUT. Yes, I got this. But not after I tried PAYOFF, PAY OUT and WAY OUT first.
  • 54A. Mounted : ROSE. “The knight rose his horse.” No. “I rose the stuffed squirrel on a board.” Nope. “The one animal rose the other in order to make the animal babies.” Still no. Anyone? Can someone help?
  • 58D. Precipitate : RASH. I’m filing this one with hidebound/stodgy. I don’t get it at all.
  • 59A. “___ in Love” (”Kismet” song) : HE’S. Okay, anyone tell me the last time you saw a production of “Kismet.” Anyone? And how about this — except for “Stranger in Paradise,” can any of you name a single other song from that show? (And by “anyone,” I mean “anyone except Dan Feyer, WOTCDWOTBD.”)

This was quite a puzzle, Mr. Squirrel of Discord. I applaud your work, but please go back to teaching or something because I am not smarter enough to handle this sort of thing too often. You’re getting prolific and popular, and your puzzles are appearing more and more. I know that’s a good thing, so cheers to you. (And if you have a chance to swing by this site to explain yourself on a few points, that would be swell, too.)

Thanks, Joon. In all honesty, I’m excited to see what’s next.

See you Saturday!

Google solves Saturday, 3-14-09 (with a little help from Brian)

March 14, 2009 By: Brian Category: CrosSynergy, NY Times 8 Comments →

What does it count for if I no-Google about 75% of the puzzle (with one error)? Anything? Do I fail? Ryan is out of town and my wife is asleep, so here I am in the wee hours with an unfinished grid.

This puzzle by Barry C. Silk had me pulling my hair out with the entire northwest territory. He gets off to a very selfish start, offering 1A. Park near Philly’s City Hall, site of the LOVE statue. This is not just one of those run-of-the-mill Stick It To You clues (where the clue makes a very casual reference to something completely unknown, leaving me to feel doubly stupid for knowing neither the clue nor the answer), but a Double Stick It To You clue, what with both the City Hall and the LOVE statue. And I still have no clue. I’ve been to Philadelphia twice. I don’t know anything there. Maybe the Eagles?

So forget the northwest for now. It’s still empty. The rest of the puzzle is full of JBGs — Just Barely Gettables. Things that are like 0.01% over the line of gettable. In fact, one was a complete guess and one I got wrong. So actually not so gettable for me. The total guess was 65A. 1966 hit for the Capitols. The answer is COOL JERK, which I don’t know. The reason it was a guess was the J and the K. 61D. Period in Indian history is RAJ, which only makes sense to me because it’s sort of like RAJA or TAJ or other Indian words like that. The K is my problem. Isn’t the 36D. Passe video store offering a LASERDISC? With a C? The internet shows me over six million Google hits for LASERDISC (with a C), including the Wikipedia entry. With a K at the end (LASERDISK, like in the puzzle), Google shows me 206,000 hits. Barry C. Silk, where’s the proper loyalty to your middle initial? From now on, you are Barry K. Silk to me.

Southwest area, somewhere around El Paso, TX (not to be confused with south-central, where 46D. Texas’s westernmost county [EL PASO] is in the grid), I have never heard of AXILLA (58A. Secret area of the anatomy?). I looked this up, and it’s the armpit. Why is this a secret? I’m confused by the so-called “clever” clue. Is it secret because we don’t talk about them much, the armpits? Let’s do the armpits of the world a service — tomorrow, at some point during the day, please hold a sincere discussion with a friend or co-worker about your armpits. And use the word AXILLA in it.

Oh, which part of AXILLA was your error, Brian? It was the second L. I know nothing about Valentino movies, and 5D/59D. is Rudolph Valentino’s “Blood and Sand” co-star. With blank-E-E (and 5D being four letters), I couldn’t stop thinking about Ruby Dee, and figured that maybe she was in this movie. (HINT: She wasn’t.) Playing the Kevin Bacon game, I can get from Rudolph Valentino to Ruby Dee in two steps — Adolphe Menjou was in “The Sheik” with Valentino and in “The Tall Target” with Dee (picture at left). Who can name another Adolphe Menjou film? Quick, you have until I solve the northwest, or until July (whichever comes first).

At this point, I have no choice but to give you a play-by-play of my inability to completely solve this puzzle. So, at 1:44 a.m., here I go.

1:44 a.m.: Apparently, 28D. They’re the fault of faults isn’t CHASMS or SPASMS, but rather SEISMS, which I certainly would never have gotten since it’s totally made up. Other than LEE in place of DEE, this was the first answer I had to look up. It has not broken open the northwest, though. I’m still looking for that breakthrough. I’ll keep you updated as I work.

1:47 a.m.: POEMs don’t follow convention (although of course, some do). There’s nothing called MUHR, but rather RUHR (53A. Arnsberg is on it). So it’s convention-GOERs. That it’s not MUHR is good, since I have MUIR for 22A. Sierra Club founder, and those two would be awfully similar to appear in the same puzzle.

1:49 a.m.: Along those lines, what’s I’M GONE and I’M DONE doing here in one grid? The first is 16A. “Ciao!”; the second is 45A. Confirmation to a busboy. But wow, those are awfully alike.

1:53 a.m.: Can you have a single SCAD of something? 32D. Lot suggests that yes, you can.

1:59 a.m.: I have it in my head that 2D. Result of a combustion explosion is going to be some kind of —–BURN. This is left over from when I thought SEISMS was CHASMS, and I thought 27A. Picked styles was A, B OR C. Now that all looks ridiculous, but I’m stuck on STEAM BURN. I don’t even know what a combustion engine is. Can you get a steam burn from it?

2:07 a.m.: RYANNNNNN! Come home, and solve the rest of this.

2:08 a.m.: Stupid Ryan.

2:09 a.m.: I have to be up in seven hours and go to work. This is going to end quite badly for me.

2:14 a.m.: A few guesses are confirmed by XWordInfo.com. 25A. Prefix with facsimile (TELE) and 21D. Dartmoor setting (DEVON) (No, I’ve never heard of this at all) suggest that 29A. Prepares with hot seasoning is either ANVILS or CAVILS or DEVILS. None of these things involve spice. Or heat. Except anvils, which are used for pounding hot metal. I don’t think that’s what’s going on here. I think DEVILS, although the two foods I know that have the devil in them (Devil’s food cake and deviled eggs) do not contain hot spices.

2:18 a.m.: 8D. Pair of diamonds? is ARGYLES. Dear lord.

2:23 a.m.: More guessing, confirming, realizing I’m an idiot.

2:25 a.m.: 7D. Totally beat. ME ON THIS PUZZLE.

2:26 a.m.: And appropriately, at this hour, ZONKED.

2:31 a.m.: This is nonsense. I am giving up. Here are the answers I didn’t know, even after Googling:

  • 1A. Park near Philly’s City Hall, site of the LOVE statue : JFK PLAZA
  • 1D. It was captured by British forces in 1917 : JERUSALEM. I’d love it if someday all the stupid fighting over whether there’s an Israel, whether it’s a country, all of that would just end. This is the lamest war ever. There’s tons of the world out there — leave them alone.
  • 2D. Result of a combustion explosion : FLASH FIRE
  • 3D. Eponym of a national forest in New Mexico : KIT CARLSON. This seems ridiculous. There’s a forest in New Mexico called Kit Carlson Forest?
  • 15A. Drawer : ELICITOR. Really? One who draws = one who elicits. Oy.
  • 17A. Fazing : RATTLING
  • 31A. Fine threads : LISSLES
  • 41A. Head word : MEN. I don’t understand this. Head, like bathroom?

Well, there it is. Current no-Google streak is zero for the second day in a row. Sad to be me. I will be back, blogging for your enjoyment tomorrow and Monday. So until then, just hang onto your hats, ’cause Ryan will return soon.

See you Sunday.

Brian knows nothing, apparently (2-20-09).

February 20, 2009 By: Brian Category: Uncategorized 6 Comments →

I’m annoyed at the fact that my brand new dishwasher came out of the box not working. What is the point of buying something new if I have to pay the same amount over again to get it fixed before it’s even been used?

In the meantime, I was unable to solve this puzzle. What a surprise. Here is a lengthy list of things that either I don’t know or don’t actually exist.

  • 1A. Aids in artful deception : WEASELWORDS. Also acceptable : HOME DEPOT, since they tricked me into thinking that my brand new dishwasher would actually wash dishes.
  • 3D. Part if 16-Across: Abbr. : AGCY. Yucky abbreviation.
  • 6D. Square, in 1950s slang, indicated visually by a two-hand gesture : LSEVEN. Is this one word? Hyphenated? Honestly, I thought the two-hand gesture was to indicate SQUARE. Must be a different two-hand gesture.
  • 12D. Pet with short legs and a hard coat, informally : SCOTTIE DOG. Is this for a Scottish Terrier? Scotty, Scottie, Scotch — so many ways to randomly shorten a name. And really, those little dogs? Those are for people who are embarrassed to be cat lovers. Just get a cat.
  • 14D. Reviews repeatedly : HASHES OVER. Doesn’t this just mean “reviews”? I mean, to do it repeatedly would be RE-hashing. So one hash = one review. I disagree with this clue/answer team.
  • 19A. “The Daughter of Time” novelist : TEY
  • 20A. Big Daddy player on 1950s Broadway : IVES
  • 21A. Gabfest : KLATCH. I feel like both clue and answer here are imaginary words.
  • 24A. Sink : SCUTTLE. All my dirty dishes are now in the scuttle.
  • 25D. Measure of a newborn’s health, named for its developer : APGAR’S CORE or APGAR SCORE (I don’t know). Clearly I either have never had a child or I have never paid attention. I’ll let you figure out which it is.
  • 26D. Extension of the terms of a marine insurance policy : SHORE COVER
  • 29A. ___ of Galadriel (gift to Frodo Baggins) : PHIAL. Is this another word for VIAL? I have watched all the Lord of the Rings movies twice, and I still can not tell you more about what happens than “a bunch of short people with big feet wander for about a hundred years to throw away a piece of jewelry that everyone hates.”
  • 33A. Antigen attacker : TCELL
  • 33D. Wealthy Cayman Islands resident, maybe : TAX EXILE. I don’t know what this is at all.
  • 34A. Year of the last blah blah blah who cares, it’s a Roman numeral : CDIV
  • 36A. Street show : RAREE
  • 37A. 2003 memoir of a TV executive : ROONE
  • 40D. Private detective Mike of Brett Halliday novels : SHAYNE
  • 44A. Switch : BEAT. I don’t understand this at all.
  • 45D. ___ Rivera, Calif. : PICO
  • 48A. Duct opening? : OVI. Not VIA.
  • 49A. 1970s-’80s sitcom putdown/catchphrase : KISS MY GRITS. I have never heard this before. I’m sure it was very popular. But I never watched much television until the 1990s, and I’ve never had that many friends (Facebook notwithstanding), so I clearly missed this very important element of our culture. Is this grits like food?
  • 52A. Loch ___, on the River Shannon : REE. What am I calling it when the clue is an arcane mystery that just makes me feel stupid? I need a name for this kind of clue. The River Shannon? Whatever.

So the difference between Thursday and Friday is that Thursday had one square I didn’t know (which, to be fair, was pointed out on all of the other blogs as a trouble square), and Friday had 1,762,991 squares I didn’t know. Thanks for playing. I’ll see you in last place at the ACPT.

Current no-Google streak: DEAD.

Cranky Brian can’t solve a Saturday… yet again! (12-20-08)

December 20, 2008 By: Brian Category: CrosSynergy, NY Times 13 Comments →

A few weeks ago, I completed a Saturday puzzle. I was very pleased with myself. And it seems that ever since then, I have been nothing but a complete failure at this end of the week. And after cheating heartily, I still couldn’t complete it (and get “accepted” by the New York Times applet) — until I discovered that my cheating source had a mistake of its own. Whoops! See what Googling gets you?

This puzzle was pretty much a grid full of Things I Will Never Know, most of which crossed Other Things I Will Never Know (The Sequel). Some examples:

  • 31D. Trans-Siberian Railroad stop and 36A. Classic name in copiers : OMSK/MITA. There is only one classic name in copiers, and it is Xerox. Whoever this Mita nonsense is needs to get with the program. And I know about the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, which is not the same thing as the Railroad. But here’s a vide of a delightful (if somewhat manipulated) Christmas light display using music of the Trans-Siberian Orchestra as accompaniment.

  • 8D. Game played on an 81-square board : SHOGI. Doesn’t matter what this crosses with, what the hello is Shogi? According to Wiklqpedia, it’s also known as Japanese chess, and it’s quite popular with people who are too smart for normal chess. I am not smart enough for normal chess, getting regularly beaten on the “Easy” level against my Palm Pilot years ago, until my inner rage against that particular machine was such that I had to either delete the game from the PDA’s memory, or delete the PDA from my own existence. And to just make me feel really good about myself, here’s a picture of some extremely young children obviously mastering this game that far exceeds my own mental agility.
  • 34D. Grp. formed in Bogotá in 1948 : OAS. I wonder if this was just some random social club — you know, like three old ladies got together and said, “Let’s form a club. No boys allowed. Let’s drink tea and eat Madelines and discuss painting and sculpture and our favorite books. We’ll call ourselves the Original Art Society.” And while I know that Wikipedia is not the source of all information, it’s worth pointing out that there are eleven other OAS listings available that aren’t the Organization of American States.
  • 1D. City near the Wasatch Mountains : OGDEN. This is the sort of clue that gets under my skin. It makes a very specific reference to a place or thing I’ve never heard of, and then the answer is something else I’ve never heard of. It’s as if the clue is saying, “Okay, we’re looking for the name of a city. And since it would be ridiculous to ask you to just guess the city, we’ll tell you it’s near something else. We won’t tell you what the something else is, but the city we want is near it. Okay? Go.” (And in case you’re wondering, it’s in Utah.)
  • 31A. Able to stand the heat? : OVEN-PROOF. There’s a term for this?

  • 53D. Birthplace of Yves Saint Laurent and 57A. Papal capes : ORAN/ORALES. I was sure it would be OMAN, not ORAN, since OMAN is an actual place that I’ve heard of, and since I’ve also heard of Yves St. Laurent, it stands to reason that he’d have been from an actual place. My knowledge of papal capes is about as deep as my knowledge of four-lettered river names and Asian board games with 81 squares, so the answer could have been anything.

I have about two months before I have to be able to do Saturday-level puzzles at the ACPT. I will make an extremely poor showing, there is no doubt. Maybe the Great Howard Barkin, Knower of All Things, will let me cheat off his paper…

Brian doesn’t fare well with Saturday, 12-13-08

December 13, 2008 By: Brian Category: Uncategorized 5 Comments →

I’ll admit it — I cheated at about half of this puzzle. It would have been left almost entirely empty, if I hadn’t bothered to look at someone else’s solution and copy about ten entries.

Oh my god, Frank Longo, why are you torturing me? You alone scare the living something out of me when I see your name in a byline. This has been the case in Games Magazine, this has been the case with your 25-foot-long puzzle (that still remains about 53% finished in a box on a shelf in my office).

And I got mad mad mad when I saw that Dan Feyer (who I know is a million times smarter than I’ll ever be) did it in 3:41. THREE FORTY-ONE? I had about six answers in place at 6:41, and after looking some up, realized that four of them were wrong. How on earth do you know everything?

I knew 62A. Killer of Greedo in a sci-fi film (HAN SOLO). And yes, he shot first.

So here’s my list of things I don’t understand:

17A. Payback factor : ACCRUED INTEREST. I don’t understand. I see that the clue is about paying a debt, and the answer seems related, but I don’t get it.

29A. Between green and black, say : RIPE. This is a major stretch, and I’m torn between thinking it’s incredibly clever and completely horrible. I *do* understand this one, though, so no need to smack me in the face with a green banana.

40A. Fort Worth’s ___ Carter Museum : AMON. Sometimes, when the grid is just full of random letters, I guess one can just Google an entry and then later figure out if there’s a clue to go with it. This idiot blogger has no clue about this museum.

42A. Jack : LONG GREEN. Is this about golf?

52A. Pulsar, e.g. : RADIO SOURCE. Is Pulsar a brand name? Or is this something in outer space? Or both?

59A. Explosive measure : KILOTON. As in “a kiloton of explosive stuff.” But then, couldn’t BAGGIEFUL also be an explosive measure?

2D. Crackpots : LOCOS. Aren’t crackpots people who are experts at things? For example: “Dan Feyer is a crackpot at crosswords.”

13D. Certain twin : SIS. Who’s twin is this? It’s apparently someone certain.

18D. Nigerian native : IBO. That’s a word?

28D. Hokey jokes : CORN. Right.

30D. Like correctional facilities : PENAL. Yes, when I’m trying to describe one of the other million things that are penal, I usually struggle to find the word, and say, “Well, it’s like… it’s… it’s like a correctional facility.”

31D. ___ Bowl : ALAMO. Might as well have been “Five-letter word” for the clue. Super Bowl, Sugar Bowl, Aloha Bowl… Really? There’s an Alamo Bowl? I challenge anyone reading this to tell me anyone who has ever played in the Alamo Bowl without looking it up.

34D. Year in which Middle English began, by tradition : MCL. It could be anything. And “by tradition”? Isn’t a tradition something that we do year after year? Like we all tease my father for using an electric knife on the frozen meringue-sorbet cake. That’s a tradition. What year a dead language may or may not have started is not a tradition.

44D. 1990s President of the Philippines : RAMOS. President + Philippines = Imelda Marcos’ shoe collection. That’s all I have.

46D. German magazine article : EIN. Why “magazine”? And for what it’s worth, the list of six German articles I know does not include this one (das, der, die, sie, ich, ach — and I’m sure at least one of those isn’t actually an article).

53D. Marsh bird : SORA. Sora, Amon, corn… these could be rivers I haven’t yet learned.

55D. Boot attachment : SKI. I always thought we attached the boots to the skis, not the other way around. Or is “attachment” a mutual experience?

56D. 1961 hit song for the Angels : TIL. In 1961, the Angels were a brand new expansion team in the American League. Their best player was leftfielder Leon Wagner, who hit 28 homers and batted .280. They went 70-91 and finished in eighth place. I know a lot about baseball, but I had no idea that the Angels ever released an album.

57D. Each, in scores : ALL. What scores use this? Is this supposed to be like “all the violins play here” as in “each and every violin”? Every score I’ve read, when they want all the instruments to play, use TUTTI.

Ryan, I am pleading with you. Don’t ever make me do a Saturday puzzle again.

On Monday, July 7, Brian thinks Dan Feyer (WOTCD) might have a bionic brain.

July 06, 2008 By: Brian Category: NY Times 6 Comments →

There on the New York Times leaderboard: danfeyer — 1:54

I finished Monday in 3:15 — until I learned I had an error. My New York Times official time is 3:57, which is about seven hours slower than the future Champion of the A Division, Mr. Daniel Asparagus Feyer III.

So in yesterday’s post, I went on at some length about my intrigue over how different constructors have something distinct about their puzzles… Are these distinctions in the clues? Maybe not, since Will Shortz writes a lot of the clues. So in the grid? How distinct can you be with a scramble of words? I pose that question to you, our readers. Talk to me about puzzle design, and what you think makes any one constructor different from another. (And read yesterday’s post, where I talk more about this whole thing.)

The subject is valid today, too, since Monday’s puzzle was designed by Bob Klahn, a gentleman who I believe is one of the tougher puzzle makers out there. In fact, the last time a Bob Klahn puzzle was published on something other than a Friday/Saturday/Sunday was Wednesday, January 7, 1998. What is he doing here on a Monday?

I guess the theme here is Small Amounts, as each of five clues has within it a word with that meaning:

  • 17A. Antiterrorism legislation of 2001 : PATRIOT ACT
  • 20A. Proverbial saver of nine, with “a” : STITCH IN TIME – The clue wasn’t enough for me to not type in A at the beginning of this phrase. It says it right there, Mr. Dumbass Brian!
  • 35A. “My Cousin Vinnie” Oscar winner : MARISA TOMEI – I never saw this movie. Was it any good?
  • 54A. Classic battles between the Giants and the Dodgers, e.g. : PENNANT RACES
  • 58A. 1986 world champion American figure skater : DEBI THOMAS – Another clue with four “things” in it that could each describe Ms. Thomas, but the fact that I have no idea who she is means that I go 0-for-4 on this clue.

If this were a map of Ryan’s apartment, where the doorway in would be in the lower left corner, my trouble happened right around where he has a Norman Rockwell print of umpires deciding whether it’s raining hard enough to cancel the ball game. 33A. Try to strike is apparently HIT AT, and not SET AT, as I would have liked. Of course, my version makes no sense going down, but I actually filled in about 85% of the grid with the across clues only. Is it interesting that the clue is geographically aligned with Ryan’s framed baseball-themed artwork, yet in baseball, a “strike” is most definitely not a hit? I can’t tell if that’s irony or meaningless.

Having zero clue who DEBI THOMAS was (relative to Ryan’s apartment, the cat litter box goes through her midsection) slowed me down in that corner, especially since I thought 34D. Pavarotti performance would be a TENOR ARIA instead of a TENOR SOLO, I had no idea how to spell ISAIAH (47D. Book after Song of Solomon), and for some reason, I couldn’t get my mind to let go of DROP or DRIP instead of DUCT for 48D. It’ll bring a tear to your eye. Again, stupid stupid Mr. Dumbass Brian!

Anyway… Bob Klahn, thank you for bringing your puzzle design to the lower-level solvers like me. I’d love to hear some folks chime in with what they think differentiates one constructor from another. And if you haven’t heard our last podcast, we did a mid-week show since Ryan and I aren’t able to find common time over the weekend to do one.

Ryan will be back tomorrow, and take over the blogging for a bit. I have somewhere between little and zero internet access while I’m off in Vermont for a stretch. Hope to see you all next weekend.